Squirrel pee

It's kind of funny. We used to live on a half acre in a somewhat far-flung suburb. We've had roadrunners wander through our yard. Baby bunnies (one found sadly drowned in our pool). Coyotes howling in the distance. But we've never actually been impacted as much by wildlife as we are now.

I credit our resident hawk for keeping birds out of our raspberry patch. We've plucked several handful of ripe berries with many others ripening on their branches. No nets needed. We've also seen robins everywhere and a couple of adorable chipmunks.

On the negative side, we're also the home of a morbidly obese squirrel. Seriously. This is one big squirrel. He rummages through our trash. He can cleverly undo lids. We find chewed open garbage bags with trash strewn about on a weekly basis. He (or a fellow squirrel) has chewed through a neighbor's plastic trash can.

But today. Today. We were stepping out for an errand. (This is starting to develop into an unwelcome pattern...opening the back door to an unpleasant surprise.) I opened the back door to find a trash bag that had been chewed open, innards strewn about. The bag had just been put out that morning. But in addition to the strewn trash, in between the storm door and the back door, the squirrel left another gift...a little puddle of squirrel pee. Really. I couldn't make this up. The spring on the storm door is broken so it swings open and closed easily. This brazen big fellow decided to climb up the flight of steps to the back landing and rummage about in broad daylight. Then somehow got trapped between the storm door and the back door before getting free. Thank goodness he got free. I really don't want to imagine opening the back door to a frenzied, panicked gigantic squirrel.

Will is threatening to get a bb gun. I say that this is Massachusetts, not Texas, and our neighbors would frown on our shooting any firearm...even a bb gun. We'd get ourselves labeled as redneck Texans for sure. We might as well put a used car on blocks in the driveway, a derelict appliance or two in the yard, and a ratty sofa on the front walk.

Any non-weapon-oriented anti-squirrel suggestions are welcome.