Winter danger

This is the most dangerous spot in the house.

Yeah, right. You scoff. The risk of taking a nice nap. Or the perils in curling up with a good book.

No, there's a danger in New England winters that no one speaks about. That I'd never considered. It affects my life daily. My children's lives. Even my dog's life.

It's not frostbite (or even frostnip). Nor icy roads. Nor hypothermia nor carbon monoxide poisoning.

It's static.

It's true. Folding laundry has become the housewifely equivalent of running the gauntlet. Have you ever heard fleece sleepers crackle? What a threatening sound. And ouch! The shocks! My trusty liquid Downy claims static control properties. Um. No. Not here. Not in winter. We've got enough static to make laundry move around on their own. Either I have clothes that have become possessed by the devil or I've got enough static to generate electricity for a small city. I'm thinking the latter.

And that sofa? Here in New England, microsuede is deadly. The perfect breeding ground for static. Giving hugs has become painful. I swear that I've seen a spark arc between my hand and my poor pup's nose. No wonder she has been avoiding us. And cuddling with the kids always involves an "ouch!" or two or three. And because they're wiggly, it's an ongoing series of "ow!" and "ouch!" and "yikes!". We're like a live-action "Interjections!" show for Schoolhouse Rock.

So if you're thinking about moving up to the frozen north from sunnier climes, beware. Choose your furniture fabric wisely. Stock up on dryer sheets (I've heard that these might work better at eradicating static electricity). Just some friendly advice from one southerner to another.